Happy was by my side and being very sweet all day. When I cried he just got closer. He's never really been like that but today he knew I needed him.
Recently Emmanuel decided to pay me less, when I wrote him a letter letting him know that I didn't agree with that decision given all the work that I do for him, he was apparently insulted and decided my services were no longer needed. So I showed up for work this morning and he opened the door, asked for my keys, and that was it. I panicked for awhile, I was really sad, really angry, sad some more. I didn't get to say goodbye to the boys and I don't know who will take care of them now. But I'm not going to fight him about this, it's not worth it and I'm moving on.
I came home and I applied for any job I could find. One of the jobs I applied for was with Heritage Christian Services. They even called and did a phone interview with me this afternoon and I'll be going in tomorrow for an interview in person. So my panic level had dropped since then. I'm still not out of the woods but I'm not hopeless either. I think tomorrow will work out. In some ways I feel that it's a step back, going back to direct care, but I have to move on and support myself.
I really don't want to continue to hear how awful anyone thinks Emmanuel is. I know that I wasn't treated fairly and it ended badly, but I want to move on. I want to close this chapter in my life and start a new one. Today was a very hard day and I can't keep going through it. And as long as it works out tomorrow I can move on and not let this drastically affect me.
My dear katie, you should never have had to face that yesterday morning. You didn't deserve it, he is a very arrogant and ignorant man. But don't ever discount the time you had there. It made a huge difference in Brycen and Braxton's lives. You loved them...and as a result, their lives became more centered, more orderly and more predictable, and alot more snuggly. You were a great nanny, and they were lucky to have you!
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